The Downward Spiral Continues

My life has been going downwards for a while now and I have not been able to stop the bad things around me from happening, this year what all has happened just in a short month is changing the person I am.  My friend was killed in a car accident, I had an eptopic pregnancy with a miscarriage, I went through a really bad break up, my uncle died, my best friend wrecked her car then moved to Nebraska, I thought after all this everything bad was done happening but I spoke to soon.
My birth mom called me today, I was so happy to hear from her but it had been a while, she sounded sad, and I asked her what was wrong, she said she didnt want to upset me.  I then said it would upset me more if she didnt.  She told me I couldnt worry and that I shouldn't, her next words made me stop moving and just fall to the chair. 
"Bree, I'm sorry to tell you this before work, but I start chemo tomorrow, the cancer is back again, this will be the 3rd time now, and we will have to just see what happens, because of all the chemo before they are not sure if it will work.  I love you, and you shouldnt worry everything will be ok."  I didnt cry I just said ok.  I told her I had to go to work and hung up the phone right as she was saying please call me later.
I say this now knowing that with all the bad there must be good, my mom told me I couldnt loose hope after all this I couldnt, I miss her now even more, I need to see her now.  Cancer was the only word she said that stuck in my mind though its back again, and my last question is what will happen this time.

Searching for Something More

This month has been one of the worst times of my life, with heart break death, drama, car accidents, etc.  Right now what I need is my sister and my brothers.  I want to just hug my sister right now, and have my brother hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok.  As of now there is a void this is the longest period since I met my birth family in person I have gone with out seeing them, and I miss them terribly.  Im going to fix that though, shorty I'm going up to see them, but what I'm searching for is the reason my birth dad wont talk to me and doesnt want to meet me.  The subject is bugging me more and more everytime I think about it.  I didnt want to meet him before but now something just wants to.  Its like a match just lighted inside of me and I gained the inspiration and the courage to meet him.  A part of me I hope will feel complete if I do, many ppl have encourage me to meet him, but some have told me never to.  I'm caught in this void of truth and lies and I want the truth, is it ok to meet him or should I forget he ever existed and go on with my life.
I believe people do change over time, for better or worse, for him I believe he has changed some for the better.  He has to kids and even a little baby now there has to be some good in him to want to raise a kid this time around.  I love family and maybe meeting him will give me the closure I need to understand everything that has gone on in my life, and why things are this way.  Why I am sweet, adorable, but at the same time can be a bitch tell you how it is, and very manipulative.  Questions I have need to be answered, so this is my decision after writing this I have decided to set up a meeting with Catholic Social Services to meet him, if it goes badly then that answers questions, same for if it goes well.  For every question I will be give an answer in some form.

New Family for the Holidays

With the holidays fastly approaching it only peeks my curiosity on how my birth family celebrates them, and who all is apart of their holiday traditions.
Well mainly who am I going to spend my holidays with this year.  My birth mom told me I was not aloud to not be with my adoptive family for the holidays, if I tried to spend it all with them she said she would beat my ass and drag me back down to my parents and family.
I love spending time with my mom and dad and family for Christmas and Thanksgiving its always been the same every year since I was a small child, we have a big huge Thanksgiving for everyone mom and dads side at our house, and then for Christmas Eve we spend it with my moms side, and Christmas day is spent with my parents then later on with my dads side.  Well with a new family in the mix how will I see them and get to spend time with them. 
Questions I have and want answered, that I do not know yet; How important are the holidays for them?, does the whole family come together?, does my birth dad have anything to dowith the holidays?, where do you normally celebrate them?, what type of family traditions do you have that you celebrate every year?  In time I will hopefully figure these things out.  What I hopefully want to do is go up for Christmas definitely but do I buy them all presents, will they give me presents.  Who knows I know everything will work out though, I just don't want anyone to feel forgotten or unloved with the decisions I choose to make about the holiday season.