Searching for Family

Most of my post have been about me, my birth mom, and my birth moms side of the family.  I decided to switch things up a little bit and talk about my birth dad Brian.  I have only mentioned him a little, I have never met the man, and I'm not ever sure if I will want to.   His little daughter looks a lot like I did when I was little, but meeting her means meeting him.  It hurts not being able to meet all of my siblings, including little baby Max.  Brian is preventing me from meeting my brother and my sister who are both supposed to look up to me.  They can't look up to my brother Eric, being a drug addict and all.
Brian called my birth mom a few days ago, he apologized for everything and he wouldn't leave her alone, so Jennifer my birth mom said to Brian, "Where are you going to grow a pair and meet your daughter," he hung up the phone immediately.  My mom had told Brian that I only wanted contact with my brothers and sisters, she had to lie to protect me.
Brian was so upset when he realized how close I was to the family.  He said "Jen you know it affects me different then you right, knowing her meeting her, and we both know probably all of the stuff that you have told her."
Brian has a bad past, which I know everything about thanks to Jennifer and Eric.  I feel though I need to meet Brian in a way, he has changed, he is a different person,  it hurts me to know that some part of him is scared to meet me.  By meeting me he will realize what traits I inherited from him and what traits I got from Jen.
What I got from Brian was having a very bad temper, a short fuse, being able to manipulate people to my advantage which I dont like to use, being able to drink a lot of alcohol.  All bad things but even if he never wants to meet me, I have something to say, from all of the bad things I inherited, I have seen past it and realized, he is the reason I'm alive, that I have lived this great life, getting amazing parents, and having siblings who are always there for me.  Now with all the hatred that surrounds him and my birth mom, they concieved me, out of the small amount of love they had left for each other, only to one day give me up for adoption and just hope and pray to meet me.  Hope is what kept my mom going all these years through, all of her cancer treatments, that one day her special someone would find her, and meet her.  So thank you Brian for being an ass hole in a way, you have kept our family together as demented as that sounds.  The family ties that bind us together, have never been stronger then they are today.